[performance] cache more database calls, reduce required database calls overall (#3290)

* improvements to caching for lists and relationship to accounts / follows

* fix nil panic in AddToList()

* ensure list related caches are correctly invalidated

* ensure returned ID lists are ordered correctly

* bump go-structr to v0.8.9 (returns early if zero uncached keys to be loaded)

* remove zero checks in uncached key load functions (go-structr now handles this)

* fix issues after rebase on upstream/main

* update the expected return order of CSV exports (since list entries are now down by entry creation date)

* rename some funcs, allow deleting list entries for multiple follow IDs at a time, fix up more tests

* use returning statements on delete to get cache invalidation info

* fixes to recent database delete changes

* fix broken list entries delete sql

* remove unused db function

* update remainder of delete functions to behave in similar way, some other small tweaks

* fix delete user sql, allow returning on err no entries

* uncomment + fix list database tests

* update remaining list tests

* update envparsing test

* add comments to each specific key being invalidated

* add more cache invalidation explanatory comments

* whoops; actually delete poll votes from database in the DeletePollByID() func

* remove added but-commented-out field

* improved comment regarding paging being disabled

* make cache invalidation comments match what's actually happening

* fix up delete query comments to match what is happening

* rename function to read a bit better

* don't use ErrNoEntries on delete when not needed (it's only needed for a RETURNING call)

* update function name in test

* move list exclusivity check to AFTER eligibility check. use log.Panic() instead of panic()

* use the poll_id column in poll_votes for selecting votes in poll ID

* fix function name

test/envparsing.sh

@@ -23,7 +23,6 @@ EXPECT=$(cat << "EOF"
     "application-name": "gts",
     "bind-address": "127.0.0.1",
     "cache": {
-        "account-ids-following-tag-mem-ratio": 1,
         "account-mem-ratio": 5,
         "account-note-mem-ratio": 1,
         "account-settings-mem-ratio": 0.1,
@@ -44,11 +43,13 @@ EXPECT=$(cat << "EOF"
         "follow-mem-ratio": 2,
         "follow-request-ids-mem-ratio": 2,
         "follow-request-mem-ratio": 2,
+        "following-tag-ids-mem-ratio": 2,
         "in-reply-to-ids-mem-ratio": 3,
         "instance-mem-ratio": 1,
         "interaction-request-mem-ratio": 1,
-        "list-entry-mem-ratio": 2,
+        "list-ids-mem-ratio": 2,
         "list-mem-ratio": 1,
+        "listed-ids-mem-ratio": 2,
         "marker-mem-ratio": 0.5,
         "media-mem-ratio": 4,
         "memory-target": 104857600,
@@ -65,7 +66,6 @@ EXPECT=$(cat << "EOF"
         "status-fave-ids-mem-ratio": 3,
         "status-fave-mem-ratio": 2,
         "status-mem-ratio": 5,
-        "tag-ids-followed-by-account-mem-ratio": 1,
         "tag-mem-ratio": 2,
         "thread-mute-mem-ratio": 0.2,
         "token-mem-ratio": 0.75,